What We Had Can Never Be Again
by gaudy
Summary: UCSequel to I Could Care Less


Title: What we had can never be again  
Author: Gaudicia  
E-mail: secrets_of_the_sky@hotmail.com  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Roswell characters.   
Rating: PG-13  
Category: UC  
Summary: Sequel to I could care less!  
Distribution: Just ask.  
Author's note: I want to thank, Rainydayinapril(April) again and Julie for just being there and encouraging me!!!   
Author's note 1: This is dedicated to everyone that asked for a sequel! Any tips, suggestions are welcomed! Sorry, for the grammar mistakes!  
Feedback: It's always welcomed! Please tell me what you think!   
  
  
What we had can never be again  
  
A month has gone by since that scene on my balcony took place, and I still remember it as if were yesterday. It still feels as if my heart is breaking-slowly killing me. I've been avoiding him like a plague if he is there than I'm not; I even changed my shift. I still can't believe he walked away, that he really doesn't care. Max has noticed my mood change-that something is wrong. Every time he asks how I am, I answer fine. He doesn't believe me, I can understand why… I look like I haven't slept in days and it's true. How can I sleep if every time I close my eyes I see him turning way, deaf to my words? Even when I'm awake that picture is imprinted in my memory. I can't even pretend anymore-I'm broken, I just need to hear him say he loves me…even if it's just once.  
---  
  
There isn't a day that I don't remember her standing on her balcony, hope shinning in her eyes… That was the first time I heard her say she loves me, and it was the first day I was able to realize that I loved her too, yet I can't bring myself to say it out loud. I've already betrayed Maria and Max once, I can't do it again…even if it is for my own happiness, so I have to keep being a jerk towards her.  
---  
  
I know he saw me today, all my efforts to hide from him were useless. I know he notices my loss of weight, and the dark circles around my eyes. Everyone has noticed by now the change in me…and I suddenly don't care. I'm looking at the roses Max has sent me, they are not blooming like they used too, I guess they are dying-dying with me…or is it because fall has begun? I thought I knew what love was when I met Max, but now I'm certain I was wrong for I was never in such pain. I guess that with love there is always bound to come pain. The pain is in someway comforting it makes my love for him real. I turn my attention back to the roses and I feel as a tear falls down my cheek as a petal drops to the ground.  
---  
  
I saw her today…by mistake; I have a feeling that if it were up to her I wouldn't see her at all. I was shocked when I saw her, she looks thin and lifeless, I never thought she was capable to look like that, yet she is still beautiful to me. I live for those brief glances; they make me feel alive-like I have something to live for. I see Mr. Parker looking at me with his worried eyes as if I could know what's wrong with her, all I can do is shrug my shoulders as I answer. What can I tell him? That I had an affair with Liz behind Max and Maria's back, and that we broke some of the rules we had set? That we fell in love and ended up hurt? I look back to the stairs where she went in an attempt to avoid me like she has been doing for the last month. I remember why we are apart…it came to me that rainy day. I never told her I loved her, that's all she wants and I'm not able to say it. I'm a coward… I just have to remember that what we had can never be again…Max and Maria don't disserve this. I'm suddenly disgusted with myself for I know I'm just hiding behind those words. I hear Max talking with Mr. Parker and the next thing I know he's running upstairs.  
---  
  
I felt his eyes follow me until I reached the stairs, I couldn't help it, excitement and hope rushed into me, but I know it can never be, the reason for that it's sitting in front of me. Max is in my room, I have never seen someone so worried has he is at the moment, yet I don't care about him. I hear him constantly asking me what's wrong, but I tune him out. Am I ungrateful? Do I disserve to be alive? I owe my life to Max, and I can't bring myself to repay him by loving him. I'm brought out of my thoughts by Max' touch, and I flinch, it was like his touch burned, like it was unwelcome. I think he noticed, because suddenly he quiets down, and seems very hurt. He sits in front of me, just staring. I can only keep returning his stare for so long, because the next thing I know I'm in my own little world with just my thoughts. Max convinces me to go downstairs, he says it's just to ease my parents, I reluctantly agree, I knew I would see him and I would have to pretend…again. When I reached downstairs he is passing by me and we briefly touch, and it was like a live wire, I could feel electricity every where, my body recognized him immediately. I couldn't take the emotions, I miss him so much, that was my last thought and then darkness consumed me.  
---  
  
We briefly touch and I could have sworn I was in heaven. I never thought I would missed her touch so much, but my body reacted before my mind could, it was suddenly brought alive, telling me my soul wasn't the only one that misses her. I look back and I noticed that she's very pale, the next thing I know she's falling. I'd never been so scared in my life, or fast; I even beat Max to it. I held her until Max muttered thanks, and ripped her out of my arms. I had never been so jealous in my life, I wanted to kill him for taking her out of my arms, but I just nod and walk away like a coward, and I leave the woman I love behind for the second time.  
---  
  
I open my eyes hoping to see him for I knew I'd felt him, but I'm disappointed to see Max. Through my disappointment I manage a small smile for Max' benefit. I couldn't wait a second longer and I begin to look around. I stop when I see him with Maria-kissing. I couldn't watch anymore, so I got up and headed towards my room not even bothering to say good bye to Max. I won't cry, I won't cry, I keep telling myself. I find the same rose I was looking at earlier and I'm entrance by it. The rose looks paler… I felt him, I knew he held me in his arms…how could he after holding me go to her? Don't I mean anything to him? Why do I keep getting my hopes up? Nothing can ever happen between us again…  
---  
  
I felt her looking at us, but I didn't dare to lift my gaze to meet hers, I knew I would have given in. I was using Maria, I know it isn't fair, but she has to see that what we had can never be again. Why couldn't things be simpler? I have someone, who loves me, and nothing stands in our way yet I don't want her, I want the forbidden fruit. I never imagined that we were so alike, yet at the same time we aren't. After I know she is upstairs I leave Maria talking to herself, I know it was rude, but I've always been like that, my forbidden fruit is the only one that was able to bring out a different side of me. I pass Max on my way out, and I couldn't help but want to laugh at the frustrated look he has on his face. He'll never know her like I do and he never will, I feel satisfaction at knowing this. I should be ashamed, but I'm glad to know that even though she's not besides me she is still mine.  
---  
  
Maria has dragged me to a shopping spree, she said she wanted to spend time with me, that we haven't spent enough time together. I didn't want to come, but I saw my mother looking worriedly at me so I accepted. Maria has been complaining about Michael. I'm her best friend, I'm supposed to offer her comfort, agree to what she says, but all I want to do is scream at her that she's lucky to have him. I tune her out; I've been doing that a lot lately…I want to talk to someone. I would usually talk to Maria, but I don't think that she would want to talk about it after she knows what happened between him and me. It's weird that now when I think of my best friend a picture of him comes to mind. I'm not as surprised as I thought I would be, it makes sense, since first we were friends, and then we betrayed our friends together. I've changed, yet I wasn't aware of it, not until now, I've notice I don't enjoy the things I used to. I her Maria's complains, tired of them, I tell her I want to leave, she is surprised at my interruption, but she nods and takes me home. I didn't even invite her in, or waited for her to say good bye, I just got out of the car and run inside the Crashdown. As soon as I stepped inside our eyes locked, and I'm rooted to the spot I'm standing on. I hear the door open and the magic is lost, I race to my room, away from him, willing the pain to go away.  
---  
  
I hear the door open and I turn my attention to it, and I see her beautiful as ever. She seems angry, but that just makes her even more beautiful. Our eyes lock and all I can think about is ravishing her. The doors sounds again, and the magic is gone. She runs upstairs not even greeting her father who's standing besides me. I turn my attention back to him, and I see the question in his eyes, he wants to know what's going on between his daughter and me. I can't believe how careless I was. I do my best to ignore his questioning looks, and try to concentrate on what he is telling me. Every one will be surprise when they hear Mr. Parker is training me to be the manager of the Crashdown. When he asked me if I wanted the responsibility I immediately accepted, honored by his trust, and I knew this would not add to her stress. I hear a crash coming from upstairs and Mr. Parker and I seem to be in a race to see who reaches her first. When I got there I see her on the floor crying, the sight breaks my heart I can't bring myself to comfort her. I feel Mr. Parker pass me and he is immediately comforting her, feeling like an intruder I leave.  
---  
  
I wanted to take a closer look at the rose. I picked up the vase, and it slipped from my hands crashing into the floor, the rose smashed into the ground, and all it's petals fall away. As soon as I saw this I crumbled onto the floor as though I was falling apart too, feeling like the last straw was drawn. I didn't hear anyone come in, but I felt his presence, his stare. Suddenly I was wrapped in my father's arms, and I hear him trying to comfort me. I felt him leave and I only cried harder, and swallowed the screams that bubbled up in my throat. After a while I began to calm down, but I didn't pull away from my father's embrace. How long has it been since I've been this close to Dad? When did I stop being his little girl?  
---  
On Maria's insistence every one is reunited at the Evans' house. Maria said we don't spend enough time together like we used too. I didn't want to be here, but it maybe it was for the best…I would be able to talk to Liz. I've been thinking about that a lot, we both have to understand that even though we want it, what we had can never be again. We can't keep avoiding each other, we have to act normal or the others will notice… We should have thought about the consequences before but we were careless…we thought that if we didn't get any feelings involved it would have been alright, but we were wrong, we couldn't have been more wrong. I hear a knock on the door and I immediately know who it is. Max was up in a second, letting her in. When she sees me I see her hesitate for a second, but she continues.  
---  
  
As soon as I got into the house, I saw him. I felt the urge to run, but I kept going anyway. I didn't want to be here, but it was time I moved on, I couldn't keep doing this I'm worrying in my parents, if just for them I would move on. I wish I could have gone slower, but Maria was never slow, she has always been fast even without knowing it. I feel him staring at me and I can't help but squirm. Hasn't he hurt me enough? I feel Max get closer to me and I'm suddenly suffocating. I couldn't take it anymore and stood up. Everyone looked at me, but I said I was fine that I remembered something and that I had to go. I tell Max not to bother, that I came in my Dad's car. As I get out of the house I can't help, but look back and again those words I come to hate so much ring in my ears…What we had can never be again.  
---  
  
I knew why she left, and I knew it was time we put an end to it, I wait half an hour before I go, and I don't even bother to give an excuse. Like that day it was raining and she was standing on her balcony, and our eyes lock again. I slowly walk towards her balcony…I wasn't going to walk away again. I climb up the ladder, once I reach the top we stay still only the sound of our breath can be heard. I feel the need to run, but I stood my ground. She slowly approaches me, and the next thing I know, she's surrounding me. I wrap my arms around her and I crush her into my body. I never thought I missed her so much, I want her to penetrate my skin, and never let her go again. I'm finally am able to tell her the words she wants to hear. As soon as they are out of my mouth she begins to sob, and this time I comfort her, I rock her back and forward, dropping kissed on her head, whispering I love you over and over again. I didn't care we were soaking wet, and that it still was raining, all I know is that I had her in my arms again. And those words I hate so much didn't cross my mind, and with certainty I say, "I love you, Liz."  
---  
  
As soon as our eyes lock I was even scare to blink, fearing he would disappear. I see him walking towards me and I couldn't believe it, all I could do was stare. Once he reaches the top, we stand still. After a while I begin to make my way towards him, needing to touch him, and reassure myself he is real, and not a dream. I'm surprise when I feel his arms go around me. I feel him tighten his embrace, and I couldn't have felt more at home, more happy. I hear him say he loves me and I knew I was wrong, those words made me want to burst with happiness. I can't do anything, but sob at all the happiness I felt inside me. After I manage to control my sobs I'm able to say, "I love you too, Michael, I love you too." I slowly tilt my head and our faces begin to get closer until our noses rub each other, we just keep looking into each other eyes and I can see he's happy, and like magic we suddenly kiss. Maybe what we had can happen again…  
---  
  
If you peer inside her room, you can see her rose as bright as ever…like they have come to life.  
  
The end!  



End file.
